It’s time for another episode of your new favorite podcast, The Cooler!

This week, a UK politician getting scolded for using his phone during important government business inspired Carly to point out how far our attachment to our devices has gone:

Jamedra confesses that she feels like a fraud…and that 70% of Millennials are right there with her:

Why 70% of Millennials Have Impostor Syndrome

Ever feel like you’re faking it? Are you worried that someone will find out and you’ll get busted? 70% of people feel this way, according to a study in the International Journal of Behavioral Science. It’s called Impostor Syndrome.

I share an Obligatory News Story about a 17-year-old basketball star…who’s actually almost 30:

He Said He Was 17, but High School Basketball Player May Be Closer to 30

A South Sudan immigrant and standout basketball player at a Catholic high school in Canada has been arrested after it was revealed that his true age is not 17, but closer to 29, the authorities said.

I try to get everyone to put Younger on their to-watch lists:

I talk to Emma Silvers about her run-in with Gwyneth Paltrow at a Goop pop-up shop:

Deep Breaths: A Dispatch From the Gwyneth Paltrow Industrial Complex

Let’s start with this: I am not here to hate bluntly on Gwyneth Paltrow.

And we cap things off with a Florence Welch and Dizzee Rascal duet:

Until next week!

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There are certain things I think I know everything about: Gilmore Girls, Winona Ryder, Abe Lincoln, the Spice Girls, and Joanna Newsom. Last night, at a City Arts and Lectures event hosted by Dave Eggers, I found out that I had more to learn about the latter. Here are all the new things I discovered about Joanna Newsom and her music:

• Her most interesting fan interaction: A woman approached Joanna, presented her tween daughter and said she gave birth to her while listening to Joanna’s music.

• The event took place on Hayes Street at the Nourse Theater, which reminded Joanna of her time working in retail on that very street years ago. She said she was awful at it. When women would try garments on and fish for permission to buy something expensive by saying things like “It’s so beautiful, but I should probably pay rent,” Joanna would say “That sounds important! You should pay rent!” instead of the shop girl refrain, “Oh, forget that! You deserve it!”

• Joanna said she was a flaky kid, but that music was “the thing I never flaked on.” She learned how to play the piano at the age of four and went on to learn how to play the harp at the age of eight. A childhood teacher recently sent Joanna sheet music of her first ever composition. It was about a camel.

• Her very first song was titled “Flying a Kite.”

• When Joanna was at Mills College, she started out as a composition major, but soon switched over to a self study in West African music and then later to creative writing. She claims her poems were terrible, until she realized that they were actually songs.

• Joanna is a huge Nabokov fan. She went as far as writing a paper in college on the color mauve’s role in Lolita, one of her all-time favorite pieces of literature.

• Joanna says she’s “kind of a jock about songwriting.” When she gets it right, she bro-yells “YEAH!” and goes around kicking things.

• She sang all the harmonies on her last album Divers to keep up the theme of time folding onto itself. She wanted the layered vocals to symbolize different versions of herself traveling from parallel universes to sing in harmony with each other.

• When asked to explain the concept behind Divers, Joanna shared that she wanted it to evoke the questions: “What’s the point? Why are we all doing [this] if it all gets extinguished in the end?” She also intended for the album to represent someone who has just realized that we all die and the journey it takes to process that information.

• On the last record, Joanna had a rule that no collaborator would be in the room for more than one purpose to ensure clarity of purpose.

• Before recording Have One on Me, Joanna tried to sing one day and heard a pop and a hiss emanate from her throat, like opening a soda can. Turns out she had developed nodes on her vocal chords from extensive touring without proper vocal training. Surgery was encouraged, but because of horror stories Joanna had heard about how some who undergo the process lose their ability to sing, she decided to go on a two-month vocal rest instead.

• She would walk around with a button that explained that she wasn’t speaking and a dry-erase board to communicate. Because her hometown of Nevada City is also home to a lot of performance artists and buskers, many thought it was an art project. So she changed the language, only to then have people assume she had a “horrible disease” or that she was dying. She eventually figured out the right message to get the point across.

• After her vocal rest, she gained 5 notes at the top of her register and 6 notes at the bottom. She now practices “the same hygiene” on her voice as she does with her harp, by doing vocal exercises for 30 minutes before every sound check, rehearsal and performance.

• The way she found out Paul Thomas Anderson wanted her to be in the film adaptation of Inherent Vice: Warner Bros. called out of the blue asking for measurements.

• Like the rest of us, Joanna also procrastinates. Her poison: shopping for antiques online.

• Joanna loves Kate Bush, but did not fall in love with her until after she had debuted on the musical scene, despite many critics claiming Bush must have been a strong influence early on.

• Her favorite methods of self-care and healing: going on walks and cooking for others. “I love the slowness of it.”

• When she’s making music, Joanna doesn’t imagine anyone ever hearing her songs. Instead, she works from the mindset of living in a post-apocalyptic world and recording from a bomb shelter.

Want to keep your Joanna Newsom education going, check out all these big words from Divers:

All the Big Words You’ll Learn from Joanna Newsom’s New Album ‘Divers’

Back in August, I wrote a breathless post reporting the news that, after five long years, Joanna Newsom would be releasing new music. Divers finally hit stores on Friday, but I’m not going to review it. Plenty of people already have, and quite honestly, my take on it would go something like this: “Omg, you guys!

After three months of fierce competition, RuPaul finally crowned America’s Next Drag Superstar Monday night in a pre-taped reunion special. Every year, some complain about how unmoved the winner appears to be, upon hearing the news of her victory. There’s a reason for that.

For the past five seasons, the producers of RuPaul’s Drag Race film three separate outcomes to avoid spoilers. (Rumor has it that we have the loose-lipped Season 3 winner Raja to thank for this new arrangement.) So now the queens find out who the true winner is by watching the episode, just like us!

With that in mind, the televised crowning ceremony seems less vital. No matter how good of an actor one is, it’s impossible for a queen to accurately project how they will feel and act upon winning until it actually happens.

Thankfully, the kind people at Logo taped the final three queens watching the finale last night. Check out their reactions:

Top Three Queens Watch The Finale Live – Video Clip from RuPaul’s Drag Race | S8, E10 | LOGOTV.com

Bob, Kim Chi and Naomi’s first reaction when they find out who is crowned America’s Next Drag Superstar.

It’s time for another episode of your new favorite podcast, The Cooler!

This week, inspired by Ryan Murphy’s plan to create a series called Feud that will focus on the acrimonious relationship between old Hollywood starlets Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, I’m taking you on a shade retrospective of every rude twist-and-turn of their rivalry:

Jamedra breaks the news that she doesn’t want to come to your birthday dinner:

An Invective Against Birthday Dinners

What has become of the birthday party? I used to love a good birthday get-together. Some other kid’s parents are picking up the tab for an afternoon of bumper bowling? There might be a Cookie Puss from Carvel? Fire up the Datsun, Mom, we’re going to be late!

But if she ends up showing up, you better believe she’ll be using one of these apps:

5 Genius Apps for Splitting Bills With Friends

When you’re out with your friends, splitting the check can get complicated. Do you divide the cost evenly or itemize everyone’s drinks and entrées? How much should each person chip in for the tip? And splitting larger bills-like rent, utilities, and keeping your apartment stocked with toilet paper-can add even more complexity.

Carly answers the question: Where’d you go, Jamie Foxx?

And I cap things off with a viral ditty from Brandy and friends:

And another celebrity feud played up for publicity, Brandy and Monica’s opus “The Boy Is Mine”:

Until next week!

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Kanye goes on another rant. We’ve read and heard that statement hundreds of times, but today that statement is greeted by a few surprising new words: Kanye goes on another rant on a fluffy, feel-good daytime talk show where nothing edgy is ever supposed to happen.

On the agenda this time around: how he probably shouldn’t have asked Mark Zuckerberg for money on a social platform that wasn’t Facebook, the challenge of selling bone density machines, the power of multi-disciplinary artists, the power of dope sh*t, #OscarsSoWhite, shoes, synesthesia, Picasso being dead, Steve Jobs being dead, Walt Disney being dead, why being likable is not important, how working with Pay Less could stop bullying, why we did Michael Jackson wrong, and more.

Watch Kanye do what he does best and then gingerly cap things off with a “I’m sorry, daytime television. I’m sorry for the realness” :

And if you want more Yeezy, watch him refuse to play a dumb game by exclaiming “Balls, balls, balls!”

In 2015, a Selena hologram was announced. If all goes according to plan, this “walking, talking, singing, and dancing digital embodiment” of the Queen of Tejano will release new music, collaborate with new artists, and go on tour in 2018. I was against it then and I’m against it now.

Back then, I wrote:

“This Selena hologram isn’t being used to remind people of her greatness; we already remember. The planned new releases and duets feel like a play to make money off of someone long dead, in a way that separates itself too far from the reality that Selena was a real human being, not a commercial product or fictional figure.

We will always have the music she did release and footage of performances she put her everything into. Why can’t that be enough? Because we’re accustomed to wanting more and then getting it (see: binge-watching and leaked albums). Because we feel like we own our celebrities, in life and whatever comes after.

Death does not negotiate. It won’t heed your call for more time with someone who’s passed. And in this case, it shouldn’t. May Selena rest in peace.”

Ditto all of that for Whitney Houston, whose hologram likeness was to duet with Christina Aguilera on an episode of The Voice. The show would have gotten a significant ratings boost, but at what cost? Well, we don’t have to consider that anymore because the Houston family axed the stunt at the last minute.

Pat Houston, executor of the late singer’s estate, released a statement on the matter: “Whitney’s legacy and her devoted fans deserve perfection. After closely viewing the performance, we decided the hologram was not ready to air.”

Not being ready to air didn’t stop the video from leaking though. You can watch it below, if you can stand the creepiness and the fact that the hologram looks nothing like Whitney. Let this be a warning to those who are surely already planning a hologram of Prince. We don’t need it. Leave holograms to sci-fi movies and leave our departed legends alone.

It’s time for another episode of your new favorite podcast, The Cooler!

This week, we’ve been blessed from on high by Ru-sus herself and are joined by the newly crowned RuPaul’s Drag Race champion, first name Bob, last name The Drag Queen!

Bob does not hold back on topics ranging from political activism and self-care to why he’s cool with Paula Deen and why Barbara Walters is a gangsta.

And we cap things off with Bob’s debut single “Purse First” because duh:

If you’re in love with Bob after listening to our episode (highly likely), nab some tickets to see him perform on May 28, 2016 at The Castro Theatre as part of The Drag Queens of Comedy!

Peaches Christ. THE DRAG QUEENS OF COMEDY 2016

Peaches Christ Schwag

Until next week!

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Now that Victoria Beckham is a fashion powerhouse, she wishes you would forget that she was ever known for anything else. Every so often, she refuses to do a reunion tour (but ends up doing it), refuses to perform at the London Olympics closing ceremony (but ends up doing it), or refuses to appear on the red carpet next to the other girls at the opening of their own musical (she did not end up doing it).

As recently as earlier this month, she bitterly reminisced about her time in the biggest girl group in all of herstory:

“They used to turn [my mic] off and just let the others sing. I got the last laugh – and now my mic is well and truly on, finally.”

Um, Vic, this isn’t an exclusive. We all knew your mic was not on and were ok with that. Having Geri’s turned on was bad enough. Also, maybe be thankful they cut you a check, despite your lack of contribution?

Anyway, that’s not all Beckham had to share:

“I was always the one that loved fashion and it was quite a result for me because the girls always used to get their clothes for free because they were crap and so there was a lot of budget for me to have my little Gucci dress.”

Emma’s baby doll dresses and platforms, Melanie B’s cheetah print numbers, Melanie C’s full-body Adidas looks, and Geri’s Union Jack dress are iconic. How dare you?

VB, you finished with sh*tting all over my childhood? No? Oh, okay:

“When all the other girls were being fun and spontaneous and jumping on tables, I was always the one checking the table wasn’t going to collapse. I was always the sensible one.”

Ok, we get it! You’re so above the band that made you famous, the band without which you would have never met your footballer husband, the band without which…well, everything else about your current privileged life. But I digress.

Point is: Victoria hates that she tried to convince us she was an acceptable-enough singer for so many years, so she’s probably pretty pissed that Come Together, a scrapped hip-hop album she worked on with Damon Dash way back in the early aughts, is coming to light and making waves on the internet today. Let’s consider this karmic retribution for biting the hand that has fed for the past two decades:

Dear other bloggers covering this, “Let Your Head Go” is not new.

How could you forget the music video, which channels Joan Crawford‘s iconic wire hanger meltdown? Research, people!

And before any fellow Spice Girls fans call me a traitor, know that I love the group more than almost all of my cousins, aunts and uncles. We’re hardest on the ones we love most.

P.S. Weak voice be damned, this will forever be a bop:

Hey, can I borrow $4.15 million? I left my trust fund in a past lifetime. You see, I need the cash because the 1883 Victorian that served as the exterior for the Full House home is up for sale. It’s a piece of television history (and my childhood) and I kind of need to live in it.

…

I’m going to take your silence as a hard pass on lending me millions so I’ll settle for taking a photo tour:

There she is! A fresh new coat of paint and a tree that’s really grown since the first season of Full House. Way to reach for the stars, tree!

SFGate says, “The home’s off-white exterior that appeared in ‘Full House’ has been painted a dark purple and the famous red door is gone, but anyone would probably agree the richer paint color looks far more elegant.” Nope. Anyone would probably not agree. #JusticefortheRedDoor!

Okay, fine, the doors are “elegant.” Nostalgia has a tendency to get me riled up.

Wow. This is definitely…a look. Potato sack chic.

A little stuffy for Netflix and Chill, but it’ll do.

No butt shall be left chairless! Also, what exactly is going on in that painting? Umbilical cord drama?

Ohhh, okay, this is where the Netflix and Chill goes down. Got it.

Hanging framed painting in front of books is an interesting choice.

Huge sink means you can wait even longer to wash your dishes. Oh, who am I kidding, that’s what the dishwasher or maid is for. And I spy with my little eye a fully-stocked wine cellar. Let the generous pours wash over us all!

Put your shoes on while sitting on this love seat at the foot of the bed.

Or put your shoes on while sitting in front of the bedroom fireplace. Up to you. Being filthy rich is all about meaningless, endless options.

Woah! Mallard-obsessed Bunny from Sex and the City strikes again! After Charlotte dumped him, did Trey MacDougalI take his bags of money and his broken heart and move into this house? I should have been a detective.

If I’m handing over $4.15 million, the least the former owner could do is leave the tension rod behind for my dirty shower curtain. Geez.

Every mansion needs a useless room no one wants to hang out in.

Ahh, a little slice of Versailles, minus all the riff raff.

A perfect place to erect a statue of yourself or your accountant.

And this ends our journey through this pop culture landmark. Again, lend me some money or buy this pad yourself and let me be your Kato Kailen. Either way.

It’s time for another episode of your new favorite podcast, The Cooler!

This week, inspired by a bit of fanmail which referenced a past episode’s usage of “frog in a sock,” I was inspired to investigate other fascinating idioms from around the world:

(Check back for a quiz featuring even more idioms later today!)

Carly issues a retraction and apologizes for hating on phones so hard a few weeks back:

Jamedra also has a retraction to make that involves Hamilton:

And I don’t have a retraction because I regret nothing:

Something else I refuse to retract: my undying love and devotion for Solange’s Snapchat. In honor of her transforming social media into modern art, we cruise out on the glory that is her 2012 single “Losing You”:

Until next week!

Subscribe and rate us in iTunes! And find us on Facebook and Twitter!

Listen to The Cooler episode that inspired this quiz:

There are approximately 6,500 in the world and each has its own quirky, often hilarious, idioms. Test your knowledge of the true meanings behind phrases like the Thai saying “The hen sees the snake’s feet and the snake sees the hen’s boobs” and the Latvian saying “to blow little ducks”:

In the mood for even more quizzes? You’re in luck!

QUIZ: How Well Do You Know ‘Downton Abbey’?

After six years of class warfare, murder, weddings and funerals, Downton Abbey is riding off into the sunset (most likely, side-saddle). So much has happened since we first laid eyes on Lady Mary and the gang. How much of it do you remember?

QUIZ: Match the ‘Goosebumps’ / ‘Fear Street’ Title with Its Teaser

With the release of Goosebumps, the movie, there has been renewed interest in R. L. Stine’s ’90s teen horror series. But for some of us, the love for Goosebumps and Fear Street has never really left. Where else can you find possessed cats, serial killers dressed as Santa and evil hamsters?

All of these quizzes originated on The Cooler, KQED’s weekly pop culture podcast. Subscribe on iTunes!

Last year, the Golden State Warriors won their first NBA Finals since 1975. Not wasting any time, they’re already back at it, battling their opponents from last year, the Cleveland Cavaliers, led by Lebron James, a.k.a. the dude in every commercial, a.k.a. the dude in Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck, a.k.a. the dude in Beyonce’s dreams. 

Here are some fun facts about the Warriors that’ll make you feel even more invested in this year’s Finals and will also make you seem really sports savvy and informed at the next viewing party:

• This year, the Warriors broke the record for most wins in a regular season with 73 victories and only 9 losses. The 72-10 record was held by the 1996 Chicago Bulls. 

• One of the players on that team was their current coach Steve Kerr.

• On the brink of elimination in the semifinals against the Oklahoma City Thunder, the Warriors rallied and became the 10^th team to overcome a 3-1 deficit in a best-of-seven series.

• The team originally called Philadelphia home and won the league’s first-ever championship way back in 1947.

• Back then, the Warriors joined the Redskins in being as problematic as possible:

• The team moved West in 1962 as the San Francisco Warriors, dropping the offensive Native American imagery. Nine years later, they became the Golden State Warriors.

• Star of the team Stephen Curry’s real name is Wardell.

• Curry has accomplished a lot in his 28 years, maybe most importantly helping create the most gif-able human being to ever grace this planet, Riley Curry.

• This year, 131 voters unanimously selected him as the MVP; a first.

• Curry loves God a lot. He used to write a Bible verse on his sneakers (Phillippians 4:13), which says “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Now those words grace his official Under Armour footwear.

• Someone else he loves a lot: wife and chef Ayesha Curry. They first met at a church group. Years later, they reconnected in LA and strolled along the Hollywood Walk of Fame for their first date. Ayesha was in LA pursuing acting; her most notable gig was an appearance in an episode of Hannah Montana.

• Rumor has it that, every time Steph commits more than three turnovers in a game, he has to give his mom $100.

• Another major player is Draymond Green. He’s super passionate, but maybe too much so. He’s at risk for being suspended over committing too many flagrant fouls, like “accidentally” kicking someone in the balls during a recent game.

• Back in the 9^th grade, he was caught cheating on a biology test so his mother gave away everything he owned. Old school parenting skills in full effect!

• In Stars: They’re Just Like Us! news, Draymond was so turned off by the crazy astronomical rents in San Francisco that he moved across the bridge to Emeryville.

• The player with the coolest name, Festus Ezeli emigrated from Nigeria at 14 to become a doctor. Needless to say, things didn’t really go that way.

• Shaun Livingston, a player who doesn’t get as much attention as these other guys, is kind of a prodigy. He could walk at seven months and was reading by the age of three.

• And last, but certainly not least, Klay Thompson comes from a family that has very athletic genetics. His father played for three separate teams in the NBA in his day, and his brother Trayce plays major league baseball for the LA Dodgers.

• Without Klay’s playoff record for most three pointers, the Warriors wouldn’t even be in the Finals this year.

• Something to watch for in this Finals is how Klay interacts with a Cavaliers player called Kevin Love (nephew of Beach Boys founder, Mike Love). They were childhood friends and played on the same Little League team in Oregon. In last year’s finals, Love had an injury and had to watch Klay beat his team to win the title. Rumor has it he wasn’t very happy about that and wants to do something about it this year.

• The main reason to love Klay: he’s a shameless Harry Potter geek. Exhibit A: the high school photo of him dressed up as a Hogwarts wizard, wand and all, below. And there’s also a photo series of him geeking out on a recent trip to Orlando’s Harry Potter theme park.

This post ends now because there’s no way things get better than that photo.

If you’re still not feeling the Warriors, or sports in general, these helpful tips on how to pretend you care are for you:

A Reluctant Sports Fan’s Guide to the 2016 NBA Finals

Go Warriors!!!

Allow me to tell you the story of me and sports. Don’t worry, it won’t take very long. From an early age, my mother decided to shape her only son into a “man” through gifts of over-sized Redskins winter apparel. I could live with that because it was infinitely better than the bow ties forced upon me in earlier years. Something that was harder to accept was being enlisted in an actual sport.

This isn’t recorded in any record books, but it’s true: I was the most apathetic defense soccer player in the history of the game. As halfheartedly as Daria plays volleyball, I did my best to be as unhelpful as possible. But that didn’t stop a hurtling ball from finding the side of my head. Stars! Just like in the cartoons!

If I was a fictional being in a Hollywood movie, this would have been the part of the story where I became impassioned and fueled by the pain and made some memorable winning play or something. What actually happened is I cried a lot and the coach took me to the sidelines and then did that thing jocks do in movies where they rally an unwilling person into doing something they don’t actually want to do. “YOU GOT THIS! YOU’RE FINE! YOU READY TO GO BACK IN THERE???” I’m not exactly sure what I said, considering the head injury, but it was something in the neighborhood of: Hell no. That was the last day of my illustrious sporting career.

Since then, sports don’t come up that often. Well, until recently, that is, with the Warriors killing it last year and the SF Giants winning three World Series in five years. On each of those occasions, I took the “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” approach and sacrificed myself to the sporty gods. And you know what, it wasn’t terrible. With the NBA Finals upon us, what’s a non-sports fan to do?

Here are a few tips on how to successfully pretend you care about sports (and maybe even have some fun while you’re at it):

1. Do respect the high holiday and mind your manners.

I’m not sure if Emily Post ever touched on the topic of talking loudly over an important televised event, but I bet she would have been against it. So don’t be a chatterbox during pivotal plays. Just because you don’t care doesn’t mean that others don’t. This is called manners. You wouldn’t want someone to go on and on about how they just can’t figure out why so-and-so never called them back while you’re watching reruns of Full House, now would you?

2. Do wear the right colors.

Dressing up is fun (see: Halloween and Quinceañeras, Rocky Horror shows and raves). So get in the mood by putting together an ensemble that is appropriate for the occasion. You don’t have to go so far as to wear a jersey or hat, but at least get the colors right if you plan on rooting for a specific team. Don some black, white, silver and blue for the Panthers, and blue and orange for the Broncos. Or you could always protest by wearing red, white, black, and gold in honor of the 49ers.

3. Do find your people.

Life is too short to surround yourself with people that don’t get you so find out where your kindred spirits hang out. If you like to be in the middle of the action, Mission dive bars are the place for you. If you enjoy reliving your college years, head to the Marina. If you don’t like strangers, invite yourself over to a friend’s house. And if you’re gay and aren’t opposed to a celebratory kiss, check out Hi Tops in the Castro. If you don’t live in San Francisco, I’m sure you know which local spot you’d feel most comfortable in.

4. Do your homework.

No one likes a dunce so do some light studying. Okay, let’s be real; you’re not going to study. Here’s a cheat sheet from me to you:

21 Fun Facts You Might Not Know About the Golden State Warriors

Got all that? Good!

If all the above fails to up your interest level, here’s a secret weapon: If you’re a girl, gay boy or open-minded straight guy, go through both teams’ rosters and pick your next boyfriend. As anyone who has crushed on their high school math teacher knows, love can make any subject interesting.

So put your shiver-inducing sports memories behind you and let these tips guide you to surviving and maybe even enjoying America’s biggest and baddest sporting event. In the words of my former coach: “YOU GOT THIS!”

It’s time for another episode of your new favorite podcast, The Cooler!

This week, I’m doing the unthinkable: getting deep into sports!

In honor of the Golden State Warriors making it to the NBA Finals for the second year in a row, I’m sharing fun facts about our hometown boys:

21 Fun Facts You Might Not Know About the Golden State Warriors

And, for those of you who hate sports, I’m sharing tips on how to pretend to care (and maybe have some fun while you’re at it):

A Reluctant Sports Fan’s Guide to the 2016 NBA Finals

I’m also sharing a news story about the power of one man’s love of pizza:

Carly is giving a selfie history lesson:

Before the Selfie: A Brief History of Looking at Ourselves

And we cap things off with an ode to the Warriors, E-40’s “Choices (Yup) (Golden State Warriors Remix)”:

Until next week!

Subscribe and rate us in iTunes! And find us on Facebook and Twitter!

Sunday morning, we woke to the horrifying news of the worst mass shooting in U.S. history. A shooter, who was, according to his father, full of rage over seeing two men kissing months before, walked into an Orlando gay club with a singular goal: murder as many innocent people as possible. And yet I wasn’t surprised to hear about any of it.

Americans have come to expect mass shootings. The stories of people murdered in their churches, in movie theaters, on college campuses, in elementary schools stay with us; they cling to us like the NRA and certain politicians cling to the Second Amendment. Not even the senseless deaths of 20 children (aged six and seven) at Sandy Hook Elementary could move the meter on the effort for sensible gun laws in this country. And in all honesty, I don’t expect the murder of so many queer people — many of them Latino — to make a meaningful impact on the gun debate either; after all, LGBT and Latino communities have been ritually dehumanized by our elected officials and our overall culture since time immemorial.

Another reason I wasn’t surprised that someone would single out LGBT people for execution is because I move through this world as a gay person. We in the LGBT community rarely feel safe, which is why gay clubs exist in the first place. Even in San Francisco, touted as an LGBT Mecca, we constantly monitor how gay or trans we come across, always on the lookout for a person who might turn the moment into one of confrontation or violence. When my partner goes in for a kiss on the street or in a straight space, sometimes I go with it, but I’m not fully there; a part of my mind is always preoccupied with who’s watching and what this might mean for us. Sometimes I pull away.

This may come as a surprise to some straight people. After all, the impression is we’ve come so far, what with nationwide marriage equality and the fun gays on Modern Family and all that. Progress is often confused with the destination.

After the Supreme Court finally put an end to the majority going to the ballot box to decide what rights should be afforded to a minority, a friend of mine congratulated me: “Now gays are fully equal!” I responded with something along the lines of “More equal than before, yes. But no, not fully equal.” The response: “Well, what else do you want?”

Hmm, let’s see. How about if:

• the LGBT community had a constitutional amendment to protect us from discrimination (you know, like gun owners have)?
• sexually active gay men had been allowed to donate blood yesterday, or ever?
• LGBT people weren’t able to be fired or evicted for being who they are in many states?
• trans people — and where they decide to pee — weren’t politicized?
• queer and trans youth didn’t experience such a high rate of homelessness and poverty, many times because they’ve been kicked out of their homes or abused due to their sexuality or gender expression?
• trans women of color didn’t regularly experience such a high rate of police harassment and violence?
• LGBT teens felt supported and accepted enough that they didn’t feel that suicide was the only solution?
• certain high schools didn’t cancel or hold alternate proms simply  because a gay person wants to bring a date?
• murals featuring queer love weren’t routinely defaced?
• LGBT people could simply hold hands with their partners without fear of retribution?

I could go on.

The friend I mentioned before, along with many others, might not see this side of things because their eyes aren’t open enough or because they live in a bubble or because their LGBT friends have grown weary of talking about the oppression they face on a regular basis.

When someone asks me about my weekend, I will usually leave out incidents like when a man with a baby strapped to his chest nudged past me in a parking lot and called me a faggot for no reason or when someone tried to knock me off my bike with her car while shouting “Faggot!” from her open window or when someone yelled in my face on my last birthday “That’s how you choose to live your life?!” while his friends stood there and laughed or when just yesterday, at the vigil march for the Orlando victims, a group of teens stood on the sidelines and mocked us with laughter and cries of “Tear gas them!” Again, I could go on.

For many straight people, gayness is what they see at Pride, a celebration, but what they fail to realize is that this spectacle of fearless expression is the one time of the year when our community congregates to revel in our truth and honor our perseverance and decide that, for at least today, we won’t pull back from kisses or hesitate to speak, that we will dress and be exactly how we wish, that we will bravely stand together, despite the homophobic attitudes and laws that affect us the other 364 days of the year.

And even at Pride, there is the threat of violence. Look no further than the man authorities apprehended in LA over the weekend, who had multiple weapons and planned to attend that city’s Pride celebrations. And that’s saying nothing of other countries, where the expectation is to be beaten, arrested or worse, for participating in Pride events (or just everyday life).

When San Francisco celebrates Pride in a few weeks, there will naturally be an added layer of threat, but we’re used to feeling unsafe and deciding to bravely be our fullest and truest selves regardless. We will still show up. We will still laugh and dance and march and kiss because what better response is there to hatred than the resilience of love?

Last night’s vigil was a way to say no to hatred and yes to love and unity. Here’s what that looked like:

Thousands Gather in San Francisco for Vigil in Honor of Orlando Victims

The Orlando shooter may have intended to damage and divide the LGBT community through violence and fear, but, mere hours after the horrifying events at Pulse, the exact opposite was happening. LGBT people, Latinos and their allies (as many as ten thousand) took to the streets of San Francisco for a vigil and a march to City Hall to grieve and unite in saying no to hatred and yes to love and unity. Here’s a look at what that looked and felt like, thanks to the KQED Arts video team:

For more on how the Orlando shooting is affecting the LGBT community:

Why the Orlando Shooting Isn’t as Surprising as It Should Be

Note: This episode was recorded two days before Orlando. We will address the tragedy next week. <3

This week, I look to YouTube astrologists to provide answers to this crazy election cycle:

Carly is sharing some British sayings that didn’t make it into our foreign idioms episode:

The Most Delightfully Unusual Idioms from Around the World

Jamedra talks about parts of the internet freaking the F out over a black actress being cast as Hermione in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child:

And we cap things off with “Saint Claude” from French band Christine and the Queens:

Until next week!

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Last summer, a second season of RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars was announced. I immediately put together a list of the queens that needed to be involved and then waited. And waited. Interviewed Season 8 winner, Bob the Drag Queen. And waited some more.

11 long months later, we’re finally getting our first glimpse of the cast! Six of the 10 queens I requested last July are accounted for, so there’s a 31% chance RuPaul read my piece and thought Cogent points! (He must have been skimming though cause he missed the whole this-will-be-nothing-without-Willam bit.) Half of the All Stars 2 girls are from Season 5, which is odd, but (almost) all of them are great so (almost) no complaints here.

Word on the street (i.e. gay Reddit) is that there will be no teams this time around, which was a major criticism of the first All Stars. Also unlike the last time around, there aren’t any obvious filler queens (*cough*Mimi Imfurst*cough*). The competition, which starts airing on August 25, 2016, is sure to bring all the death drops, filthy reads, fireworks and everything else we’ve come to expect. But who is poised to snatch the crown and who doesn’t have a shot in hell? Using a very unscientific, very subjective point system, I’m going to try and figure it out!

Tatianna

(Season 2, 4th place)

Strength:

Always says ‘Thank you.’ (+1 point)

She’s the only queen from the first three seasons so she’s clearly learned something from her idol Britney Spears about staying power. (+2 points)

Isn’t afraid to tell loud, obnoxious queens singing Beyonce’s “Halo” to shut up. Reality TV producers are known to rig shows to keep girls who aren’t afraid of a little confrontation. (+2 points)

Drag Race judges love when a queen takes their critiques, applies them without attitude and grows from them. Judging by the look above, Tati has evolved a lot over the past six years. (+3 points)

Weakness:

Her personality is a bit understated (early seasons weren’t so amped) so she might struggle to stand out amongst these big personalities. (-5 points)

Phi Phi O’Hara

(Season 4, third place)

Strength:

The internet loves her recent cosplay reinvention. (+3 points)

She has stepped up her image by moving away from pageantry to artsy glamour. (+3 points)

She has a problem with everyone and brings the drama, which is the life blood of all reality TV shows. (+5 points)

Weakness:

Her stank, evil, bitter personality. (I wanna say -2098, but – 3 points, I guess).

Katya

(Season 7, fifth place)

Strength: 

Her kooky sense of humor. (+4 points)

Her ability to jump into the splits. (+2 points)

Her Miss Congeniality title. (+4 points)

The fact that so many people thought she was robbed that RuPaul pretended to crown her at the finale for laughs. (+5 points)

Weakness: 

All Stars 2 was taped right after Katya’s season so, while some of the other queens have had years to augment their personas, Katya hasn’t had the time to reflect, find new inspiration and grow. (-3 points)

Her sometimes tragic sense of style. (-1 points)

Her anxiety and nerves really got the best of her during her first lap. That could hurt her again, if she hasn’t developed a coping mechanism yet. (-2 points)

Alaska

(Season 5, second place)

Strength:

She’s a catchphrase machine. (+3 points)

She’s a weirdo (in the best way). (+1 point)

She’s water-out-your-nose hilarious. (+3 points)

She lost in what felt like a photo finish. (+2 points)

She’s one of the most beloved queens to come out of the show. (+5 points)

She always thinks outside the box and surprises the judges. (+4 points)

Weakness: N/A

Coco Montrese

(Season 5, fifth place)

Strength:

Her rivalry with Alyssa. That’s the only reason she’s here. She knows it. I know it. You know it. Let’s all know it together. (+1 point)

Weakness:

RuPaul and the judges love a queen who stuns visually, as well as on a comedic level. The only funny thing about Coco is when she cakes on orange make-up. (-4 points).

Adore Delano

(Season 6, second place)

Strength:

Her singing voice. (+2 points)

Her irreverent sense of humor. (+2 points)

Her popularity outside of the show. (+2 points)

Her runner-up status. (+1 points)

Her shameless Libra-ness. (+1 point)

Weakness:

Her “hog body” struggles. (-2 points)

Her often lazy drag looks. (-4 points)

Alyssa Edwards

(Season 6, sixth place)

Strength:

Her tongue pops. (+1 point)

Her ability to turn gibberish into catchphrase gold (i.e. “Squirpin’ like a chirpin’ like a bird”). (+4 points)

Her dancing prowess (splits, kicks, and twists, oh my!). (+3 points)

Her overblown personality (so overblown that Violet Chatchki impersonated her for the Snatch Game, which is usually reserved for high-profile celebrities). (+3 points)

Her overwhelming success post-Drag Race. (+4 points)

Her ability to make delicious television without being polarizing. (+2 points)

Weakness:

Her blindness to her own flaws (back rolls?!). (-5 points)

Detox

(Season 5, fourth place)

Strength:

Usually creates looks that the judges haven’t seen before. (+3 points)

Inspired the black-and-white challenge from Season 8. (+2 points)

Founding member of drag group DWV of “Boy Is A Bottom” fame. (+1 points)

Weakness:

Tendency to clique up, instead of keeping the focus on herself. (-3 points)

Roxxxy Andrews

(Season 5, third place)

Strength:

Her makeup skills. (+4 points)

Her reveal-in-case-of-emergency hideaway wigs. (+2 points)

Weakness:

Whatever she’s wearing above. (-1 points)

Her bullying tendencies. (-5 points)

Ginger Minj

(Season 7, second place)

Strength:

Great at improv, which usually plays a part in every challenge. (+5 points)

Polished looks. (+3 points)

Makes RuPaul laugh. (+4 points)

Weakness:

Forgets that there’s a difference between reading someone and being a jerk. (-2 points)

Is committed to an older style of drag, while the judges like to reward queens who push the envelope. (-3 points)

Like Katya, hasn’t had time after her season to grow. (-3 points)

So what do all these arbitrary numbers predict will happen?

10th place: Coco Montrese

9th place: Roxxxy Matthews

8th place: Adore Delano

7th place: Tatianna

6th place: Detox

5th place: Ginger Minj

4th place: Phi Phi

3rd place: Katya

2nd place: Alyssa Edwards

ALL STAR WINNER: Alaska!

But math isn’t really my thing so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. We’ll find out on August 25! See y’all then!

Most election cycles are weird, stressful times to be alive, but the unpredictable 2016 primaries have been even weirder and more stressful than usual. Americans — and probably most citizens of the world in general — are pretty anxious about what’s going to happen on November 8, 2016. So how do we deal with all the unsettling uncertainty over the next five months? Here are a few options:

A. Keep your mind off of all the drama by going outside, enjoying a hobby (maybe take up crocheting?), enjoying a nice chilled drink, hanging out with friends, or watching all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls.

B. Rant on Facebook and engage in fights with all the people you went to high school with. (This approach is a favorite of many, as your FB news feed can surely attest.)

C. Find potential answers by watching weird, super long YouTube videos of astrologers talking about how the planets and stars will affect our country’s future.

Because I don’t feel like learning how to crochet and unfriended all the randos from high school eons ago,  I’ve chosen option C. I just finished watching over an hour of these astrology videos and I’m here to share what YouTube astrologers are saying about Bernie, Hillary and Donald.

Let’s start with a woman who calls herself The Uranian Astrologer. She’s a nice white lady who intros some of her videos with explicit Snoop Dogg songs. The Uranian Astrologer contains multitudes, just like the rest of us.

According to her two-part series on our country’s overall planetary vibe, the only times we’ve had these exact planetary transits have been during the American Revolution and leading up to the the Civil War.

Back in the American Revolution days, Pluto was all up in Capricorn. Similarly, Pluto entered Capricorn in 2008 (hey, Barack and Sasha and co!) and will reside there until 2025. You might be wondering: Uhhhh, what does any of that mean? I’ll tell you!

Pluto is the planet of death and rebirth and will allegedly compel us to come to terms with ugly parts of our society by shoving these toxic elements into the light so that something new can emerge. In both American Revolution times and today, there is a frustration with the status quo and abuses of power. Through confronting these issues, the country’s soul has a chance to become free and transform. Cool! Thanks, Pluto! You’re still a planet in my heart!

Pluto isn’t the only planet mixing things up. Neptune is currently in the beginning of a new cycle, which hasn’t been renewed since the years leading up to the Civil War. This is a time of destroying restrictive rules and boundaries to enable a downtrodden group to rise up. Again, very cool! Way to go, Neptune!

Now that we have a general lay of the land…or universe or whatever, let’s continue with a different astrologer by the name of Robert Phoenix. He stands in front of a really calming twinkle star background and has a really bold goatee. His expertise is digging into the individual star charts and he applied his method to the three remaining candidates.

Let’s start with Bernie. According to Phoenix:

• Bernie will never be more popular than he is now. His chart is “electric right now!”

• Bernie is a Virgo, a sign that is known for intelligence, reliability, and modesty. But the two Virgo presidents we’ve had have been failures, in Phoenix’s view. In case you’re curious, those two are Taft, who allegedly got stuck in a bath tub, and Lyndon B. Johnson, who had to answer for the debacle in Vietnam.

• Saturn is conjunct (I don’t know what that means either, so don’t feel bad) with Uranus in Gemini, which might explain Bernie’s millennial allure. You see, Saturn is father time (a.k.a. old) and the conjunct business stands in for youth culture. Ergo, Bernie represents the merging of the old and the new!

• Bernie’s Mars is in Aries. Mars in Aries equals red. Red equals communism. Noted communist Gorbachev also has his Mars in Aries. Coincidence? Maybe? Who knows!

• Bernie’s rising sign is Scorpio. According to Phoenix, one should never underestimate a Scorpio rising. They’re in it ’til the end, which explains his refusal to leave the race. On the flip side, a Scorpio rising has never managed to become president.

Now let’s see what’s going on in Hillary’s chart:

• Hillary is also a Scorpio rising. This explains why she too was a staunch opponent during the 2008 election, as well as the current one.

• One of Hillary’s biggest thorns in her side during this campaign shows up in her chart. You see, her Uranus is squaring her moon. Uranus rules technology, the moon rules the home, the square represents conflict between the two . Hello, private mail server drama!

• Hillary’s Pluto is in Capricorn within her second house, which represents material values. Phoenix takes this to mean that she will eventually be beholden to the plutocracy that’s been giving her money.

• A common theme of Hillary’s chart is surface and projection. Her Jupiter being in Sagittarius and her Pluto, Mars and Saturn all hanging out in her ninth house join to create a situation where the real Hillary is hidden from the general public.

Next up: Donald Trump.

• Trump is a Leo rising, which, according to Phoenix, has led him to believe he is here on Earth to play the role of a king. A challenge for people with this aspect is developing a healthy ego and learning to come from the heart.

• Similarly, Trump’s Mars is in Leo in his twelfth house, which indicates a secret desire to be a sun god. Phoenix believes Trump’s penthouse in Trump Tower, which is largely encased in gold, could be interpreted as a shrine to Apollo.

• There is “a conspiracy of Gemini” at the top of his natal chart. Gemini represents duality. When channeled in a positive way, this energy can manifest as someone being charming, flexible and quick-witted. But if channeled in a negative way, there’s a risk of duplicity, inconsistency and untrustworthiness.

• Phoenix senses some possible trouble on the horizon for Trump. Retrograde Mars is square in his twelfth house, which represents hidden enemies. Phoenix advises that Trump watch his back this summer.

And finally let’s figure out who is astrologically favored to win the election, based on the findings of Barbara Goldsmith, a nice white lady who unfortunately does not play Snoop tracks in her videos. She has a cool dry-erase board and colored markers though!

Goldsmith doesn’t believe that analyzing aspects on November 8, 2016, in general, will precisely determine anything. “So I’m going to take a different tack here entirely, stepping out on a bit of a limb here, but why not? Uranus is in Aries!” Rock on, sister! Instead, she analyzed what will be happening planetarily right when the polls close, in connection with Hillary and Trump (sorry, Bernie; Goldsmith doesn’t see it for you). Here’s what she found:

Hillary Clinton’s three main features of her chart — Scorpio sun, Scorpio rising, Pisces moon — are all feminine water signs. Trump’s three main chart features — Gemini sun, Sagittarius moon, Leo rising — are all masculine.

So are the vibrational elements at 8pm on November 8, 2016 mostly feminine or masculine? At that point in time, the sun will be in Scorpio, the moon will be in Pisces and Cancer will be on the rise. All three aspects are feminine water signs, just like the signs that dominate Hillary’s chart. Mars, the most masculine force in the universe, will be in Capricorn at that time, which is not a very macho place to be, and isn’t connected to anything overtly masculine.

Translation: Donald might be using a wad of Benjamins to dry his tears very soon.

So there you have it! The future of America, through the eyes of YouTube astrologers! We can’t be certain that any of this means anything, but one thing is for sure: thinking about planets and the zodiac beats bickering about politics on Facebook.

This piece was inspired by an episode of The Cooler. Listen for even more political astrology nuggets:

The moment I knew Emoji had reached peak popularity was when my immigrant mom not only started using them, but started using them in funnier ways than me. She — and most likely you — will be excited that Unicode just dropped 72 brand new ones to up your texting game. Behold!

Hey, new laughing emoji, Imma let you finish…but the laughing-so-hard-I’m-bawling emoji is the best laughing emoji of all time!!!

In honor of all the gay rodeos out there.

Prediction: this will be very triggering for the 52% of Americans that are deathly afraid of carnies.

For the next time you have to call out the Jay-Z in your life (10 times out of nine, they be lying).

For reacting to thirst traps or giving your friends a heads-up that you have the mouth sweats and will be puking sometime soon.

This is to be used in conjunction with the mouth sweat emoji above. Also, can be used to convince someone you need to ride shotgun because you get car sick (this doesn’t have to be true).

Next time a friend flakes on you, you better believe they will be using this little guy (they’re not actually sick).

I agree; we should be texting about Prince Harry more.

Very niche move, Unicode. But Mrs. Clause deserves her shine too, I guess.

For when you’re texting Hollywood big wigs and advocating for Idris Elba as the next Bond.

Searching high and low for this little guy — ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ — takes up at least 10 minutes out of my week. What will I do with all the extra time? (Watch more of that British baking show probably).

When someone’s text is too embarrassing to warrant words. Also, could be used to narrate the first line of Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful” (it’s “Don’t look at me” for those not up on their legendary pop history).

Conversations about whether Beyonce actually carried Blue Ivy or used a surrogate just got a lot more efficient!

Stop trying to make disco happen. It’s not going to happen.

What Kim Kardashian hath wrought.

It seems random, but I’ve wondered why there was no fingers-crossed emoji at least 93 times.

This allegedly means “Call me!” If there’s one thing I don’t need in the world, it’s anything that gives people the impression I want to talk on the phone….ever.

Um, I don’t think Unicode thought these two all the way through.

So let me get this straight: we still don’t have a witch emoji, but we have this useless “raised back of hand” one? Get it together, Unicode workers!

To promote collaboration or to warn against spreading germs, you decide.

Goths fall in love too, you guys!

#JusticeForZooGorillas!

What does the fox say? I’m not sure; I missed that cultural moment, but this little one sure is cute.

Reparations for Bambi’s mom.

Reminder to moisturize.

Bats are animals too! It’s not their fault your hair looks so appealing.

For text debates about who is more patriotic.

For people who love dude ducks (the females don’t have green heads).

I watched a Winnie the Pooh movie recently (because why not) and the owl was insufferable. But this is cute so I’ll allow it.

Representing for all the melted aliens out there!

Promo for Blake Lively’s new movie, The Shallows.

Realizing what shrimp actually look like might change some diets out there.

Prince‘s reincarnation.

Mariah Carey fans’ lives just got a whole lot brighter (butterflies are her symbol, duh).

Promo for Emma Watson’s new adaptation of Beauty and the Beast, or just a reminder that everything dies.

Kiwis are so under-appreciated. That changes right now!

IT’S ABOUT TIME.

Hands down, my favorite food. French fries, mashed potatoes, scalloped, whatever. Gimme!

Beta carotene in the building! *air horn*

Paying tribute to Anna Nicole’s memory (she really loved pickles).

Too much work.

A subtle way of calling your friend out for being flakey.

Oprah famously said “I love bread!” So say we all.

This looks naked without the butter.

Meat water slides! Cool!

For text debates over how to properly pronounce gyro.

Don’t we get enough of these from anonymous Twitter trolls?

As a vegetarian, this offends me.

As a vegetarian, this does not offend me.

As a lactose intolerant person, this offends me.

As a person who does not like beer and does not connect with the beer-jugs-cheers emoji, this uplifts me.

Ditto the above. Don Draper would be so proud.

For inviting your crush over for some spooning. Or if you happen to be texting about telekinesis.

…in the name of love!

Sweet, but I would have preferred a Heely emoji.

Roman Holiday was a cute movie.

I didn’t go to camp as a kid.

Beyonce.

Kelly Rowland.

The other one.

You can’t tell, but that person is giving you the finger.

Karate ghost.

Remember when Kerri Strug stuck that landing, despite an injury, and won the gold for the entire U.S. team? She definitely deserves her own Emoji for that.

West Side Story.

Emoji: now with more muscle definition!

I have no idea what this is.

White people do the darnedest things.

Goal or sink trap. Who cares; you won’t be using this ever.

Thanks for the reminder that I can’t and will never be able to juggle.

*insert corny joke here* Ba dum tss!

Life is short. Next time you admit that you’re an adult by going grocery shopping, treat yourself with a ride in one of these. You’ve earned it.

And that makes 72, ladies and gents! Text responsibly!

Note: Unicode has released these, but it’s up to Apple and other cell phone makers to figure out roll-out timelines. So we’ll have to wait a little longer to actually use these, but hopefully not long!